So I’m here n miramichi canada and I can say 2 things about it so far. They have strong beer and good food so I could stay here forever. I am super drunk right now due to molson canadian sub zero beer which is 7% ABV and tastes like PBR. Oh I guess I should remind myself that this is a business trip………….yeah.
I had a brain crash today. A random thought so benign and minuscule that on any other day if I had anything better to do than just sit around at work for 10 hours waiting for calls that would rarely ever come to me I would have ignored it and moved on with my life. This simple thought was the basic question why do we add the phrase “a pair of” in front of the word pants. Now you may be saying to yourself “Duh! Pants have two legs on them! 2 = a pair so therefore pair of pants!” But this logic doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense when held up to even the most basic of scrutiny. If this logic were true then why do we not call shirts a pair of shirts? They have two sleeves on them which is the same justification as the usage of the term for pants why not use it on a shirt? But this question leads to a further question which is why are all clothing items worn above the waist singular in nature and all items worn below the waist plural in nature? The list of upper clothing items are long but all are singular despite the gender that wears them. shirt, sweater, jacket, bra, corset, hoodie, etc etc. The items worn below the belt are likewise all plural. pants, jeans, sweats, tights, leggings, boxers, panties I could go on and on. This bother’s me. How did this happen? Who made up this rule? Why has no one ever asked this question before? I know none of the answers to those questions but i do have hope! There is one clothing item that is worn below the belt that is singular in nature. This clothing item has always been a rebel and is always pushing boundaries. I am speaking of course about the thong. The thong is always singular despite the fact that it is nearly the same as a pair of panties but just smaller. This gives me hope my friends. Thong, I salute you.
This whole twilight nonsense is pissing me off. It’s a terrible storyline written for pre-teens and consumed by adult women. The storyline is retarded, the rules of how the vampires and werewolves live in the world make no sense and for the love of christ almighty VAMPIRE’S DON’T SPARKLE!! but the reason why i really hate twilight is that it further exemplifies our societies growing obsession with feminine character traits. Men are looking more and more like women by the day. they wear women’s jeans, they shave their legs and more and more men are wearing makeup on a daily basis. This is not only accepted but rather it is encouraged by women who seem to be more attracted to a feminine male than a masculine male. It used to be back in the 60’s and 70’s that a good mustache would get you more trim than you could handle, that old spice would make women beg for you to sleep with them and that a man didn’t wait for the woman to ask him out but had the confidence and charisma (and the mustache) to ask any women he chose.
What happened? Why are more and more men looking like women and more and more women wanting that? Well if you look at women today, a large portion of non religious women under 30 have had at least one sexual encounter with another woman (that is not a scientific fact, just an observation from my life experiences) and more and more women are attracted to feminine traits. Why is this? What has happened to the manly man? Can a dude with facial hair still get some in this day and age and if not why? I have a theory why and it may seem kind of strange.
within the past decade we have seen technology advance in ways we could have never imagined. Our cell phones are mini computers, our laptops are smaller than a book, our coffeemakers, toasters, refrigerators, cars, and everything else are smarter than ever and are only getting smarter. But what does that have to do with ladyboy’s getting laid? As technology progresses and more and more men pursue desk and office jobs that are centered around technology the manual labor working class gets smaller. As a result men get more feminine as they do not work with their hand’s (no, typing doesn’t count). Couple this with the growing emo and indy subculture that is becoming more and more the pop culture and you have a society of skinny nerd’s who wear emo clothes. Also more and more male’s grow up in single mother home’s and either do not know their father or have very little interaction with a male role model which in turn leads them to grasp onto the female role model in their life and become more feminine in nature. Just like a boy who grows up with no father figure may become more feminine so too will a society of women who have no masculine role model’s to base their attractions on. I dare you to find a male sex symbol in this day and age that has thick chest hair, a mustache and drives a muscle car. They don’t exist. So to recap my theory is that single mother homes, combined with a rise in technology centered jobs coupled with a decline in manual labor jobs leads to a society of more feminine male’s and as such the female’s have to adapt their sense of what is attractive and acceptable which is a more feminine person in order to find a mate. That’s my theory. Oh and just so you know this whole thought process started when a coworker sent me this picture about an hour ago.
Up until then i had no thought this in depth as to why I hate twilight so much. Now you may be asking “Hey Ryan, you work in an office and are surrounded by technoology all the time! Why are you any different?” and the answer is that I remember a time before the internet. I remember rotary phone’s and that when you left the house no one could get in touch with you. I remember hand cranking ice cream, I remember black and green computer monitors and I also remember a time when you fixed your own car instead of taking it to the shop. The generations that are growing up now do not remember a time before the internet and that’s a terrifying thing. So I may work in an office and I may be a nerd but im not a skinny emo bitch and I sure as hell don’t read twilight.
Fin
Welcome to fall bitches! I hate this weather. I’ve met countless people who say that the fall is their favorite season and i think all of those people are high on glue fumes. There is no redeeming quality to fall. It’s cold, all the plants die, it’s cold, it means winter is coming and oh did I mention that it’s cold? No? well It is. It’s not even Halloween and its in the low to mid 40’s. I need a vacation.
I just got back from seeing Halloween 2 and I am conflicted as to how I feel about the film. Not because of any moral issue I may have with the subject matter as I am a big fan of slasher films and the Michael Myers mythos in particular, but rather the storyline of this movie not feeling………..right.
Now before I delve into the film first I must state that I have been a fan of Rob Zombie’s film making endeavors since his first film “house of a 1000 corpses” came out. i remember seeing it in the theater and being the only one who found the scene where the sheriff was being executed extremely funny due to the overwhelming tension involved in the slow panning out of the camera and the nearly frozen state of the actors in the scene. I love his style and flair for making the ultra violent even more violent. If you are going to make a slasher horror film it needs to be disturbing to watch. It needs to challenge your ability to handle what you are seeing and Zombie has always done that with his films and this latest movie is no exception. This movie Looks and sounds amazing and it is clear that Zombie has stepped up his game substantially in the past few years since H1 came out. The cinematography and photography in this film is truly spectacular and not in a super polished HD sense but rather in an art house grainy film style that is purely stunning. The usage of light and darkness is perfect and beautiful.
The sounds scape of this film is also spectacular. the sound of Myers stabbing his victims is so visceral and extreme it makes you cringe. It sounds like he is not only stabbing his victims but punching the knife straight through them. I do not know how that sound effect was achieved but bravo to Mr Zombie for taking the sound of horror to a new level. I love the technical and artistic aspects of this film but the storyline just sort of falls apart towards the end. I will not spoil it for anyone who wishes to see it (and I do still recommend seeing it if you are a fan of slasher films) but it loses track of who Myers really is. It delves into his subconscious and tries to explain the motive behind his madness but the motive itself IS madness and leaves you feeling cheated in some way. I cannot describe why I feel this way without giving away the entire plot so i will not delve further into it but to me it sort of jumped the shark at the end.
Overall i enjoyed the film for its style, visual impact and suspense but wished more of that same energy was put into making the storyline a bit more digestable.
4 out of 5 jumping sharks
I’ve been thinking alot lately which is almost never good. I’ve been thinking about how I wound up here, in this place at this time. I have recently reconnected with some very old friends who i sincerely have missed and it makes me happy to see that they are doing well but it makes me sad as well. When I got married i was 22 years old and had no clue what I was doing. I thought I was an adult and ready for the commitment but I was so overwhelmed once the marriage got past the “honeymoon phase” that I knew that I was never going to be the same person ever again. I couldn’t be. I was 22 and had to grow up instantly. I got a full time office job, I balanced the checkbook, I worried about bills and rent and providing a good life for my wife. I did all the things a grown up is expected to do and yet all i wanted to do was to just be a stupid kid going to parties, staying up late and doing stupid things. I lost alot of friends when i got married. Alot of great people who i loved and loved me had to go away because my spouse did not like them. In retrospect she didnt like anyone I knew because they were a threat to her. I should have never gotten married because all it has done is make me into an angry man who hates so many things and so many people and it’s so ingrained into me that I don’t even remember why I hate them.There are some people I truly hate and have absolutely valid reasons for hating them but there are other people that I have no valid reasons to be angry with. I wanted my wife to be happy so much that I convinced myself that it was worth losing great friends to make my marriage work and that’s a mentality that is doomed to fail.
I am stubborn. That stubbornness will be my downfall i am afraid. I have to walk around with the knowledge that the last 4+ years of my life have been a gigantic failure and there’s nothing I can do to change that. So much of my life has been a complete and total failure and all i can do is wake up each day knowing that I am not the same person i used to be. i can never be that person again. That person was naive and gullible and so willing to trust anyone that he cared about. now I don’t trust anyone with anything. I have new neighbors downstairs in my apartment building and I do no know them. i do not wish to know them and I do not wish for them to know me. I wish to be left alone and not be bothered by anyone but yet I also have this overwhelming desire to be known. I play the drums because I want people to know that I am a good drummer. i am a photographer because I want people to know that I am a good photographer. These are constant thoughts in my head when i hear another band or see another photograph. I want people to know I existed and that I was good at something. I exist. The problem with life and people is that in order for people to notice you, you have to be willing to be known. You have to let people into your life so that someone can see who you are and what you do but that is so unbelievably hard for me to do. I let someone in once and they wrecked the place and then moved on to some other person. How do I move on? How do I convince myself to go into the lions den again. The thought of dating someone is so utterly terrifying, yet so fantastical that it seems an impossible scenario. How does one start over? Should I start over? Do I like the way my life is now? will my life improve if I meet someone new? will it get worse? These and a million other questions flow through my brain every minute of every day and I cannot get them to stop. i know I am developing a mental disorder. i know I am still suffering from the effects of post traumatic stress disorder. i know I am developing characteristics of ocd in certain aspects of my life. I know this. i know I can get help but I have to want to get help. Do I want to get help? Part of me does. Part of me want’s to go further into madness. Isolation is comforting. I do not have to be an actor putting on a performance of the person i once was. i can be myself.
Why am I typing this out online? Why am I putting this up where everyone I know can see it? Why am i embarrassing myself like this? I don’t know. It seems to help me somehow. It let’s it out and gets some things that I want to keep hidden from the world out there so that I have no excuses. if you are reading this please do not be afraid of me doing something stupid. i have been in far worse shape over the past year or two than I am now and I do feel that my life is getting better in certain aspects but yet I still feel trapped in my own mind on alot of things. Thank you for reading this if you are reading it and I hope I haven’t made you think any less of me. I just want someone to know why I am not a social person. I have to force myself to go outside my comfort level and to go to bars or house party’s that I am not familiar with. It takes alot of mental forcing to get out of the house and spend time with my friends. When I get there and I am with them I am happy and feel comfortable but before I get there I am constantly having to stop myself from turning around and running home. I am truly sorry to my friends who feel abandoned by me. I do not want this. I want to be a better friend. i am working so hard to be that friend. i need you to keep pushing me. Make me get out of the house. Please.
Joe Dirt: So your gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don’t.
Joe Dirt: You’re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Kicking Wing: No… because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem, it’s not what you like, it’s the consumer.
Over the past 2 weeks I have been to the theaters and seen the 2 biggest releases of the past couple month’s, Bruno and Harry Potter and the half blood prince (which will henceforth be referred to as HP6 for ease of typing) I will review each one independently below.
First off is Bruno.
I must admit that I am a big fan of Sacha Baron Cohen and used to watch da ali G show all the time back in the day at my buddy Mike’s house. He is hilarious and it absolutely amazes me at how willing he is to put himself in situations where he may very well be seriously injured or die just for a laugh. This quality is in no way diminished in Bruno, in fact it is amplified to new heights. I will not discuss specific part’s of the movie as I hate spoiling anything for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet but all I can say is that I thought it was absolutely brilliant and in many way’s more shocking than Borat could have ever been. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys over the top in your face confrontational comedy.
5 out of 5 boner’s.
Next up is HP6
I’ve never been a major fan of the Harry Potter films but I never really hated them either. They exist and I have seen them. I always thought the acting was good and the cinematography and special effects have always been great but the storyline is a generation below me and I always feel old watching the movies. The latest addition to the saga is no different and features far more teen angst drama than action or storyline and I felt myself feeling rather awkward watching a movie about whiny teenager’s who can destroy humanity with the power’s they have but choose to whine about who loves who. When I go to see a movie about wizard’s and magic I wanna see wizards and magic not a bunch of perfect looking teenagers crying over high school crushes. This type of storytelling should be left on the disney channel with the jonas brothers and hanna montana and really does detract from what could have been a great movie if they had focused more on the main story. The acting was good but the writing seemed a bit old hat. There were numerous gags in the film that were meant to be funny and i know they were meant to be funny because several people in the theater laughed at them but I did not get the memo that it was laugh worthy and rather it seemed like a silly waste of time when we should be seeing badass wizards doing badass magic. Now I will say that the acting is superb across the board. These actor’s have literally grown up being these character’s and it shows in their performance. Everyone is brilliant in this movie acting wise it’s just the subject they are acting about that bothers me. I was told this movie was going to be dark and edgy but overall it was rather light and dull and left me feeling like so much more could have been done with the characters and shown how truly evil the antagonists are. Like I said before i am a generation or two past the target demographic of these films but I was overall more bored by the film than excited.
3 out of 5 boners.
Realize that no matter how hard your life may seem, someone else has it harder, so SUCK IT UP and PARTY HARD! - Andrew W.K
So a few months ago when my band broke up, we broke up the night of a gig at crosstown station here in Kansas City. It was not a mellow break up but rather explosive in nature and apparently in the heat of anger I left my cymbal bag at the venue and it is nowhere to be found. Now to those who are not musicians this may not seem like a huge deal but when I tell you that the contents of that cymbal bag is worth over 900 dollars you soon realize how much of a suckass thing this is. But you know what’s the worst part? I cannot blame anyone for this catastrophic fuck up but myself.. Oh well.
On to happier news! My job is being sold to another company! Oh wait…..that’s not happy news. Yes it appears my company aplus.net is selling it’s shared hosting dept. to hostopia and will only offer dedicated server’s to their customer’s. This pretty much means that I am hosed and will be forced to join the jobless masses in a desperate dash for whatever job I can get! They should make job hunting into a spectator sport full of various event’s and competitions and the winner gets a job in a call center for microsoft or something. Event’s will include the 100 meter coffee and bagel dash, the copier paper jam repair 2000 and the water cooler bottle replacement race. Oh yes the rating’s would SOAR!!
Oh well, at least I still have my health…………………………
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